Now that the Rock & Roll generation is getting older, many artists are re-releasing classic songs, custom tailored to better fit their aging audience.  

    Eric Clapton is credited with starting this trend with his 1/8 speed version of "Layla", and now many more artists are joining the trend.  



    Someone suggested that The Replacements should come out with songs titled "Heart Valve", "Hip", and "Knee".  Here is our list of suggestions for remakes:

ABBA--"Denture Queen" 
AC/DC--"For those who used to Rock (We Salute You)"
Aerosmith--"Remember (anything at all)"
Atlanta Rhythm Section--"Imaginary Liver"

Bad Company--"Feel Like Breaking Wind"
Beatles--"I Get By with a Little Help From Depends" 
Bee Gees--"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip" 
Billy Squire--"The Stroke" [Slightly different meaning now]
Billy Idol--"Catch My Fall" [Another one that has different meaning now]
Blondie--"Hip of Glass"
Bob Dylan--"Like A Kidney Stone"
Bruce Springsteen--"Pink Cataracts"

Carly Simon--"You're So Varicose Vein" 
Climax Blues Band -- "Couldn't Get It Up"
Commodores--"Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom" 
Credence Clearwater Revival--"Bad Prune Rising" 
Crosby, Stills and Nash--"Suite: Judy Blue Hair"
Crystal Gale "Don't It Make My Brown Hair Blue"

Dave Clark 5--"(I'm feeling) Bad All Over"
David Bowie--"Golden Years" [no changes needed...]
Deep Purple--"Perfect Strangers" [Senility Remix]
Def Leppard -- "Bringin' On The Heartburn"
Doors--"People Are Strangers (When you are Senile)"
Duran Duran--"A View To A Pill"

Eagles -- "Heartburn Tonight"
England Dan and John Ford Coley--"I'd Really Love To See Well Tonight"

Foreigner--"Urgent (Bathroom Remix)"
Frankie Goes To Hollywood--"Exlax [don't do it]"

Guns N' Roses--"Welcome To The Rest Room"

Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds "Don't Pull My Walker Out"
Herman's Hermits--"Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker" 

Jerry Lee Lewis--"Whole Lotta Ache'n Going On"
Johnny Nash--"I Can't See Clearly Now" 
Judas Priest--"Sleeping After Midnight"

Kim Mitchell--"Might as Well Go For An Exlax"
Kingston Trio--"Where have all the Diapers Gone"

Led Zeppelin--"Dazed and Confused" [Nothing has changed there]
Lenny Kravitz--"Are You Gonna Go Today"
Leo Sayer--"You Make Me Feel Like Napping" 
Lynyrd Skynynrd--"Rest Home Alabama"

Marvin Gaye-- "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts" 
Mary McGregor "Torn Between Two Livers"
Men At Work--"Why Can't I Pee Now"

Nancy Sinatra--"These Boots Give Me Arthritis" 
Neil Sedaka--"Breaking Toast Is Hard to Do"
Nena -- "99 Dried up Prunes"

Olivia Newton John--"Heart Attack" [Slightly different meaning now]

Pat Benatar--"Fart Breaker"
Paul Simon--"Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver" 
Pink Floyd--"Welcome To The [Dialysis] Machine"
Poison--"Shout Dirty To Me"
Procol Harem--"A Whiter Shade of Hair" 

Queen--"Another one Bites The Dust" [Few changes needed...]
Quiet Riot--"Slick Black Cataracts"

Rainbow--"Man On The Silver Wheelchair"
Rascals--"People Gotta Go Pee"
REM--"Losing My Cognition"
Robert John--"Bad Eyes"
Roberta Flack--"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face" 
Rod Stewart--"You're in my Heart" [Pacemaker remix]
Rod Stewart--"Saggy Mae"
Rolling Stones--"You Can't Always Pee When You Want" 

Steely Dan--"Rikki Don't Lose That Clapper" 
Styx--"Mr. Forgoto"
Sugarloaf--"Blue Haired Lady"

Temptations--"Papa's Got a Kidney Stone" 
The Knack--"My Pneumonia"

U2--"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" [Different meaning now]

Visage--"Fade To Grey"

Who--"Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
Who--"Who Are You?" [Different meaning now]

We welcome suggestions for the list.

"If it's too loud, turn down your hearing aid!"


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